Regular viewers of my YouTube channel will be aware that recently I helped my Mum clear and sell the house she had shared with my late Dad for 33 years. There was so much stuff! It was time-consuming to go through everything, as well as being both physically and emotionally draining. This got me thinking about the topic of Swedish death cleaning and decluttering generally.
For those of you who haven’t come across the phrase Swedish death cleaning, it’s not as grim as it sounds. It is the wholly sensible concept, well-known and accepted in Scandinavian culture, of streamlining and organising your possessions so that your loved ones aren’t burdened with the task when they are grieving your passing.
Tears, heartache and cobwebs
You wouldn’t think that clearing out my Dad’s workshop would have caused me many tears and heartache, but it did. He used the workshop constantly when he was younger, and had tools for every occasion. However, by the time he passed, aged 92, the space was full of jars and tins of rusty rails and screws, electrical tools that had sat in the damp for a number of years, antique tools that I am not convinced he used himself, unidentifiable bags of wires and ‘stuff’ and… cobwebs!! Thick, terrifying masses of cobwebs, mouse droppings, damp and rotting papers and years of dust.
There were also some treasures, like bags of beautiful vintage brass and ceramic knobs (my Dad went through a phase of restoring furniture), some almost new gardening tools hidden in a cupboard, a working lawnmower and some old solid wood ladders that I have claimed to display plants on.
There were so many reminders of the person my Dad was: practical and capable, a DIYer, a passionate gardener and, it appears, a bit of a hoarder!
If I wasn’t someone who hates waste, I could have simply picked it all up and chucked it in a skip. However, I couldn’t just discard my Dad’s stuff without any consideration. As a result, I spent days picking through it all, pulling out things to keep, sell or donate, and finally throw out.
Stuff, stuff and more stuff
But that was just outside! In the house, my Mum proudly displayed loads of vintage and collectable bric-a-brac. She and Dad had once been antique dealers, although not the high-end, super valuable variety. In the process of running their business, they ended up keeping lots of the treasures they found. Glassware, mini porcelain teapots, Bosson’s chalk-ware heads, large framed pictures, ornaments, old books (lots of Beatrix Potter and Enid Blyton), brassware – all sorts. It looked great in their lovely old cottage, built in the 1600s, but would not suit (nor fit into) the modern flat my Mum had chosen to buy.
To cut a long story short, I persuaded her to part with about 25% of this, but the rest is in boxes in storage. She has moved out of the cottage and is in limbo for a few months whilst her flat is made ready, staying between us and my sister. We know that once we start unpacking, Mum will realise that at least another 25% of her treasures will have to go. However, one step at a time. Moving home is stressful enough, but she is dealing with recent bereavement and a huge change at the age of 89. We are cutting her some slack.
A learning curve
I often say that I don’t like a lot of clutter. However, I will never be a minimalist and by other people’s standards my house is cluttered! I have definitely inherited some of my parents likes and inclinations. We have a dresser full of vintage crockery, and other ornaments are beginning to appear around the house. In addition, in recent years I have started to sell antiques and collectables online, so I really am turning into my parents!
As I was working through my Dad’s garage I berated him, asking him why? Why had he kept so many rusty nails? Why did he have carrier bags full of string, shelves of half-used, dried up paint cans, and engine oil from the 1970s? Why did my Mum have shelves and shelves of china and glass that collected cobwebs and took forever to dust? I vowed not to put my three daughters through the emotional turmoil of having to root through a ton of useless ephemera to clear the house when I have shuffled off this mortal coil.
However, I have work to do. The attic is already full of things that I will likely never look at again. The garage keeps growing stuff – how does this happen? I have boxes of old bills and documents under the bed, most of which don’t warrant keeping. I pick up books constantly that I may never get around to reading. Despite regular wardrobe decluttering, there are items I keep but do not wear.
The plan
I am gradually working my way around the house, throwing out and donating as I go. Each time I do the cleaning, I am on the lookout for things to put in the charity box.
In addition, I have vowed to stop bringing more stuff into the house. On my dog walks, I am often tempted by the books left in the mini library. Now I don’t stop and look unless I have books to leave there. I have enough!
When I buy stock for my online shop, I am not allowing myself personal purchases unless they are items I have decided in advance that are needed.
I am planning more shelving for the garage, so that we can see, organise and use what we have. At the moment, it is all a bit of a jumble.
One of my jobs on next week’s list is to clear out the document boxes under the bed.
So, my approach is declutter little and often but, more importantly, not to bring unnecessary stuff into the house in the first place. A change of mindset is required. As I am in my early 60s, I hope to have many years left before I am on my way to paradise, but I think now is the perfect time to think about Swedish death cleaning. Whilst I am still physically and mentally capable!
This approach also works for a frugal person. Why buy things you don’t really need? In my case, it is usually because it was a bargain and I couldn’t resist, but that is where the problems begin….
Have you considered Swedish death cleaning? Are you a minimalist or do you love lots of things around you? I would love to know your views, so drop a comment below.
Barbara says
I was responsible for clearing and selling my brother’s house and my mother’s house (she lived there for 70 years). My brother collected books, CDs and DVDs. Every room was floor to ceiling shelves! Even the windows were covered. Many of his things had never even been read, watched or listened to. Such a waste of money! I sold as much as I could but got only a small portion of the actual value. My mother collected vintage glass which was mostly donated as I couldn’t find buyers. She also had paperwork going back years, including 70 years of property tax statements. Why?? She also kept every greeting card her five children ever gave her. Those were gut wrenching!
After both house closings, I immediately began decluttering at my home. I’ve made much progress and continue the work. I do not want my daughters to deal with so much!
shoestringjane@outlook.com says
It’s such an eye-opener, isn’t it? My mum gave me a bag of cards to go through and I just put them in the recycling. I couldn’t face reading them!
Chris says
This is probably a bit late or not applicable but there are companies that buy whole workshops. I have not used them but may have to use them soon.
shoestringjane@outlook.com says
Interesting! My trouble is that I would have to look through stuff, which makes it harder I think
Juhli says
Your mother is quite fortunate that you had the time to help her and your daughters will thank you for reducing their load. When my Dad passed I was fortunate that my brother and a nephew living nearby cleared out his shop and the shed at Mom’s request. Then she kept clearing out. The benefit for her was less to manage and clean but the real benefit was for us when she passed at 93. Given I was not living close by my brother, SIL, my husband and I went through the whole house in less than a week. Getting some things removed took longer but we had agreed what would happen to them. It was still heart wrenching. Fortunately I only had a compact car to take things home in plus a few useful things shipped. I hope to also reduce the burden for my sons.
shoestringjane@outlook.com says
Good for your mum for doing that. As you say, it’s still hard emotionally but could be a lot worse
Ruby says
I had to help clean out my in-laws’ house, as they died just a few months apart, then my mother’s house twice (she began hoarding when she developed dementia but was never good at decluttering). After I retired nearly two years ago, I began seriously cleaning out my own house, which never looked cluttered but every drawer, cupboard, cabinet, closet and shelf was jammed full of stuff! It took a year and a half, which included four sessions with the garage. So much stuff went to charity!
I find it best to cut back to where I doubt there’s enough stuff left and then just live with it for awhile. It soon becomes clear that not enough was just right.
It is an ongoing thing keeping too much stuff from creeping back into the house, in part because it’s hard to purchase just the right amount. I often grumble that I do not need six pairs of socks when I want just two pairs, but it’s difficult to find the right item in the right amount.
shoestringjane@outlook.com says
You’re right about it being ongoing. We seem to keep accumulating!
Eloise says
So much “stuff” is kept for no real reason.
I watched as my friend spent 8 weeks sorting through her parents belongings (and offered help, of course).
No way will I put my children through weeks and weeks of clearing out. It’s so selfish.
We downsized hugely at the start of this year, gave stuff away, sold it, took it to the charity shop or simply threw it out. I have one small lidded box (16” cube) where I keep things that have sentimental value, and other bits. I have only one dinner set (got rid of all the serving bowls), 3 saucepans, 2 wardrobes instead of five etc etc. if I truly need something then I’ll re-buy, but in 9 months I haven’t had to do that once.
shoestringjane@outlook.com says
This is what I am aiming to do. I feel I need to get a move on!
Eloise says
It took us 12 months and felt so cathartic. We now live in a compact flat (with a garden) just a third the size of our previous home, and love it!
shoestringjane@outlook.com says
That’s brilliant!
Mindo says
I had to clear my late parents’ home and it was emotionally draining, but not exhausting as they had extensively decluttered as they got older. We kept a few sentimental items, let wider family and friends take anything they would find useful, and Freecycled like crazy. I wish I’d had longer because some furniture had to go to auction and the sum of money we received was a paltry amount.
I’m a widow now and am determined to only live with what I use on a daily basis. I’ve been promising myself for a couple of years that I will sell my late husband’s stereo (his pride and joy and somewhat of an expensive hobby). I’m afraid my ears can’t tell the difference between radio coming through the stereo or the TV sound bar! Much better for others to enjoy it and less for my 2 children to dispose of when I’m gone.
shoestringjane@outlook.com says
I guess it will always be an emotional process, but it must have helped that your parents decluttered. As for getting rid of the stereo, I might find that very hard